


[discontinued] we make a really good team and not everyone sees (we got this crazy chemistry between us)

by whoviee



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: A bit heavy, Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Rivalry, Secrets, Sports, Unhealthy Relationships, mentions of abuse, or so it seems, really they're just figuring shit out, sorry :(, they'll work their way through it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2020-05-02 03:21:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19190902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whoviee/pseuds/whoviee
Summary: Jaehyun and Taeyong don't like each other.





	1. one

On a bright Monday morning, lush, green grass stands out against the dim rays of the sun. Dawn has barely broken, yet there are twenty-three boys - barely, just a year or two and they have to abdicate that title - crowding on one side of the field.

“Here we go again.” Johnny sighs. Yuta nods along sympathetically as they observe the scene unfolding before their eyes.

“Get off my field.”

“It isn’t yours, Lee. You get off.”

“I’m trying to be civil here,  _ Jung _ . So if you don’t move, I’ll be forced to resort to more persuasive methods-”

“Bring it on, bitch.”

“And cue,” Sicheng mutters.

The shorter figure tackles the taller to the ground, which causes a puff of dust to arise. Taeyong's holding Jaehyun down, a palm flat against his chest and another gripping his jaw. Before he can do any actual harm, Jaehyun lands a punch on his shoulder, weakening his opponent, and quickly switches their positions. Taeyong kicks a leg up in protest, effectively kneeing Jaehyun in the stomach. He lets out a groan and rolls on his side, giving Taeyong more space to attack. A few more punches in, and the spectators have lost interest.

“How long till someone stops them?” Jisung, the youngest of the lot, wonders aloud.

“Give or take ten minutes.”

Jisung nods slowly in understanding.

-

“No. I’m not giving you an ice-pack each.”

The two glare at each other. They’ve long since given up appeasing the nurse, a kind lady in her 40s, and begrudgingly agree to share an ice-pack for their bruised faces. It was Taeil who broke them up in the end, claiming he couldn't hear his warm-up music over the sound of them brawling. While their vice-captains handled the morning practice, the captains had been sent to the infirmary.

She bustles about, clearing the used cotton swabs and disposing of them. “Every Monday, without fail. Why can't you two ever call a truce?”

She doesn't give them time to answer. “Thank god you haven't broken any limbs yet. And no getting ideas with that. I won't treat your broken limbs.” She wags an accusing finger at them, then briskly walks to Taeyong and harshly drops the ice-pack in his awaiting palm.

“Yes, ma'am.”

-

Jaehyun holds the ice-pack to his face, counts to thirty, and hands it back to Taeyong, who mimics him. The head of the PE department looks wearily between the both of them.

“You wasted twenty minutes of precious practice time fighting each other?” It's rhetorical. “ _ Again _ ?”

Neither of them face him. He sighs, then continues.

“Jaehyun, Taeyong, you're our star players. I don't want your teams falling behind because of your stupid antics. Please, get yourselves together.” Coach Ahn's eyes dart between them, hopeful. “I know you don't want to share the field, but the court is being renovated so you both need to compromise.”

“It’s been over four months since the new schedules have been applied, and you two  _ still  _ haven’t come to an agreement. You’re not six anymore. Sort out your problems like adults, got it?” 

They share a brief look before Jaehyun holds his hand out. Taeyong takes it, knowing full well that they're going to end up in the same position next week.

“Thank you. Now please, go back to practice. If this happens one more time, I won’t be so lenient.”

-

“I can take another,” Taeyong grunts.

He can see Jaehyun's hesitance.

“I'm serious, add more.”

So Jaehyun does exactly that, and even he's sweating now.

Taeyong adjusts himself and experiments. “One more.”

“Yong, I don't want you to bench press yourself into the ER. I think that's enough weight for now.”

Taeyong attempts a protest, but Jaehyun isn't having it.

“Fine,” he grumbles, dissatisfied.

The shiny, expensive gym equipment creaks before it settles in place, and is then immediately displaced again by Taeyong. The action is iterated twenty times, then he carefully slides off the bench.

“Your turn.”

Jaehyun shoots him a smirk before adding more weight on either side of the metal rod, then positioning himself under it. He cracks his knuckles once before he begins, pushing and pulling twenty-one times.

“You always have to one-up me. Sore loser,” Taeyong taunts.

His rival responds by raising the rod higher and bringing it back down.

“At least I’m not insecure about my strength. You have this need of constantly proving yourself to others-”

“It’s healthy competition, you’re just too scared to admit you can’t-”

“Nope. I’m happy with my achievements. You, on the other hand-”

They’re shushed by one of the regular gym-goers. They bow to her in apology before moving on to the treadmills.

“You’re buying me breakfast if I reach five kilometres before you,” Jaehyun mutters to Taeyong.

“Oh, it’s on.”

-

A calm Tuesday morning sees two boys chasing each other down a residential hallway of apartments. The second catches up to the first, who relents and unlocks the door. They stumble inside a sizeable studio, and the second drags the first to the kitchenette.

“Breakfast. Now, Jaehyun.” Taeyong lets go of his wrist. A triumphant smirk dances on his lips as he sees Jaehyun’s face.

“Man, fuck you,” Jaehyun grumbles, but begins picking out ingredients anyway: milk from the fridge, cereal from the overhead shelf-

“No, no, no. You’re not making me milk and cereal for breakfast.” Taeyong opens the draws around him and pulls out some stainless steel cookware. He didn’t run five kilometres in record time for Jaehyun to feed him something that requires no effort.

“Here, make use of these. I know you can.”

Jaehyun glares at him, and he glares back. A minute passes in silence.

“Use them. I’m going for a shower. I expect something once I’m back,” Taeyong airly commands. Jaehyun watches him go with a fire in his eyes,which softens as soon as Taeyong’s out of sight. He shakes his head in annoyance, with a hint of endearance. His boyfriend really is something. 

Silently, he gets to work.

-

“Need any help?”

Taeyong’s stepped out of the shower and donned himself in a bathrobe. He walks into the kitchenette, happily noting Jaehyun’s making something worthwhile, using the pots and pans he gave him.

“Yeah, can you chop those up?” He gestures to the green onions on the countertop. Taeyong obliges, grabbing a knife and a chopping board from one of his draws.

“Go take a shower,” He softly urges once the green onions have been chopped and added to the broth. “I’ll finish up.”

Jaehyun smiles, adding some salt into the cooking pot. He’s just turning to leave when Taeyong stops him with a hand on his nape. He leans forward and places a kiss on Jaehyun’s flushed cheek before sending him off.

It’s a routine they’re used to, now. Act like that hate each other when they’re outside, drop the act inside. To the extent that they both know how pathetically it could blow up in their faces. Do they care? No, not really.

-

It isn't surprising when Jaehyun breaks into a sprint across the little park just off campus when he sees Yuta. His Japanese friend, as far as he's aware, is pursuing someone from the football team, and he seems pretty occupied with that certain someone as they walk to one of the many benches lining the park.

It would be a perfect coincidence if Jaehyun were to go say hi, because he really isn't doing anything remotely suspicious. The problem lies, as many of his do, in the accidental feud he'd started with his now-boyfriend two years back. According to the terms of this wretched feud, Yuta isn't allowed any contact with the enemy. In reality, Jaehyun could care less.

So he watches, once he's a safe distance away, as Yuta tries and fails to oh so smoothly drape an arm over the footballer's shoulder. Kim Doyoung is a hard nut to crack, and Jaehyun hopes it stays that way, otherwise he'll have Yuta unnecessary moping about his star-crossed relationship with someone forbidden.

For the nth time, Jaehyun wonders how differently things would play out if him and Taeyong end their skyscraper-sized disagreement. Unfortunately, they're in so deep in their web of lies that they can't decipher the first from the last, all of them intertwined so thoroughly that they ended up winding their friends in, too. He sighs, checking if the coast is clear, and strolls away as inconspicuously as possible.

-

“What's got you so worked up?”

Taeyong, as any good boyfriend, is concerned. Something’s been bothering Jaehyun all afternoon, and it was palpable in the way he refused an outing to the ice-cream parlour. Currently, he’s occupied with some essay or the other at the desk in the corner of the room, and as much as Taeyong doesn’t want to disturb him, this is important.

“Nothing, really.” He looks up from his work momentarily. At Taeyong’s disbelieving expression, he relents. “Just… assignments and stuff, nothing to worry about.” He waves a dismissive hand away and faces his laptop again.

“You’re well aware I’m not buying that.” Taeyong rolls over on the bed, to the edge, and stands up. He walks to where Jaehyun is, and prise his hands away from the keyboard. “Tell me what’s wrong, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun sighs and closes his eyes, counting to ten mentally before opening them. “I guess…” he exhales, saving his work and closing the laptop. “I’m a bit- how do I put it?”

Taeyong takes him by the hand and leads him to the bed, giving him a few moments to gather his thoughts.

“Our relationship is affecting the teams, I think,” Jaehyun starts, once his comfortably seated against the headboard. “I saw Yuta and Doyoung earlier today and I was just, I don’t know, feeling bad because they’ll have to hide their relationship from us - if they ever get into one- because of this goddamn feud. And it’s a shame because Yuta’s my best friend and you and Doyoung are pretty close, too. And to think all of this is happening because you and I had a disagreement a couple of years back…” He trails off. “Yeah, that’s what’s been bothering me.”

Taeyong takes it all in, after having shifted to sit beside him. “Okay. I understand what you mean.” He tucks his head where Jaehyun’s neck meets his shoulder. “What should we do?”

“That’s exactly the problem, isn’t it?” Jaehyun takes one of Taeyong’s hands in his. “I don’t know.”

“Let’s think it through, okay?” Taeyong encourages. “We can start by not fighting every Monday morning-”

“Taeyong, I… I don’t know how to say this, but I don’t think that’s the best solution.”

He nods, so Jaehyun continues. “I think we both have a lot to think about, you know? And it’s getting kind of hard for me to cope with everything… the tournaments are near and we miss out on half an hour of practice a week, which doesn’t seem like much, but it is, because we barely get enough time-”

“Get to the point, Jaehyun.”

“I..” he looks at Taeyong. “I think we should take a break.”


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and we're back!!

“Get the fuck up, you useless bitch.”

“Why don’t you shut the fuck up, _you_ useless bitch.”

“That doesn’t work on me and you know it. Now get out of bed.”

“No!”

The warmth of the sheets is mercilessly ripped from Taeyong’s body, leaving him cold and exposed. He curls up into himself, salvaging whatever remaining heat he can.

“Stop moping and get up already.”

It’s way too early to hear Ten’s annoying voice, he concludes.

“Will you please, for the love of god, shut up?” Taeyong moans, covering his ears.

A shocked silence ensues. “Are you hungover?”

“Bingo.”

“You went out without me?” Ten shakes his shoulders to get rouse out of him.

“Mmh.” Taeyong doesn’t relent, even though he’s fully awake and aware.

Eventually, Ten gives up and lies down next to him. “What happened?”

Taeyong marvels at how fast Ten’s tone changes from playful to concerned.

“Bad week,” he mumbles. “And next week is going to be even worse. And the week after that, and the week after that, too.”

“And what of the week after the third one?”

“Then maybe I’ll stop feeling bad.” Taeyong’s voice is scratchy, half his words lost in the haste to get them out of his mouth.

“Taeyong…” Ten’s voice, on the other hand, is full-bodied, holding warning. “What did you do?”

“I ended a two-year relationship.”

Ten doesn’t respond. A think silence envelopes them.

“I’m waiting for you to say it wasn’t yours, but I have a feeling it is.”

“It is…” He speaks into his pillow. “Was, actually.”

“C’mere.” Taeyong shuffles into Ten’s awaiting arms, relieved that someone knows now. He won’t tell anyone else, he decides. Only Ten.

Before he knows it, he’s crying. The soft, silent type, where he doesn’t want anyone else to hear. The type where he’s stopping himself from making any noise at all. The worst kind. Ten lays soft kisses along the crown of his head in support, clearly put-off by his best friend’s outburst.

“It’s gonna be okay.”

-

Jaehyun isn’t faring much better. He lies in bed with Yuta's sweater wrapped around him, even though temperatures outside have hit 35° Celsius.

“You know,” Yuta muses, from his desk across the bed, where he's scribbling away in a notebook of his. “If I didn't know any better, I'd say you just got dumped.”

Jaehyun takes a second to let the words sink in, his eyes nervously filtering access their dorm. It's small enough for two, every inch of the wall covered in posters or drying paint. Two, identical single-beds are pushed to both ends of the room, while a desk and a small cupboard face them. In the middle is a door, and the little stretch that cuts through the room does little to distinguish the two inhabitants' belongings from one another.

“Maybe I did the dumping,” Jaehyun softly confesses, after a stifling silence.

Yuta's pen clamours to the floor, an ugly pink line drawn across his notes.

“You what?”

“Well, I mean I didn't _exactly_ dump them, but yeah, I was the who suggested we take a little break.” Jaehyun shrugs, as if the admission was as simple as telling Yuta about the cat he met while walking home.

“Back up a second. You are- _were_ in a relationship?” He's too shocked to sound surprised, it seems.

“Uh, yeah, I guess-”

“What do you mean, 'you guess'?” Yuta mocks him, and the dam between shock and surprise has been broken.

“What?” Jaehyun mocks right back, feigning innocence. After Yuta's glare, he relents.

“So, um. I was in a relationship with someone?” he ventures. Yuta gives him an encouraging nod. It's kinda suspicious how quickly his moods change. “And I guess I realised it was taking a toll on me, you know? Like a lot of things became so stressful and we used to fight, like a lot. On top of that we had to keep our relationship a secret… so yeah, I told them I needed a break.”

Yuta only nods, slowly processing the information. After a second of contemplation, he comments. “I don't think you're allowed to mope.”

Jaehyun burrows himself further into the sweater.

“Seriously, if you suggested it, I don't think you're entitled to feeling bad.” There's something off about his speech, Jaehyun picks up, despite his mood.

“Shut up. My feelings are valid.” he mutters. Yuta shoots him an inscrutable look and picks up his pen from the floor. He continues to write his notes while Jaehyun continues to mope.

-

It takes two days and Thai takeout to get Taeyong out of his apartment, and another day to get his head back in the game. _It's not good to repress your emotions_ , Ten had told him. _Otherwise they'll manifest to a point where they're so saturated-_ Taeyong had given up after that. Whatever the outcome was, it'll be bad, so he chose to channel all his unhappy energy into cleaning. He'd cleaned his apartment in a day, then Ten and Sicheng's dorm the next day. When he got restless at night, he'd take a jog until his body was too tired to think. It seemed to work, or so he thought.

“We haven't even started and yet you look like death ran you over and then dragged you through a few hedges. After which, they proceeded to douse you in chocolate syrup and released live ants on your body, and then dumped you into a polluted river.”

“Are you quite finished?” Taeyong snaps at Johnny. They aren't friends, not by a long stretch, despite him being in the football team, but they've had their… friendlier moments.

“No, I'd say a dustbin was also emptied on you, oh, and-”

“Cut it out, Johnny.” Jaehyun cuts in. All surrounding conversations cease.

“Did you just-” Johnny splutters. “Did you just _defend_ him?”

“And what of it?” Jaehyun challenges, eyes narrowed and sharp. Johnny backs off, his hands up in an 'I surrender' gesture.

“Half the field is yours, Lee.” Jaehyun tells Taeyong.

Taeyong acknowledges it with a nod. He turns to his team, switching to captain-mode and barking instructions.

Some distance away from the crowd, Jisung tugs on Chenle's sleeve. “I don't think that qualifies as _defending_.”


	3. three

It's safe to say things were tense for the proceeding few weeks. Jaehyun and Taeyong's sudden civility threw both the teams off balance, affecting not only their Monday practices but the other ones, too. The field had lost its playfulness, having become a sombre ex-battleground of grass untrampled by fighting bodies.

One fine Wednesday morning, Taeyong sprawls himself across said grass. As far as he’s aware, there are no practices scheduled, so he has taken the opportunity to take a run and clear his mind. He’s only achieved one of those things, but isn’t exactly in a place to complain, considering how self-inflicted all his problems are.

So there Taeyong is, basking in the early morning - 6 AM - sun, when an unfortunately familiar figure looms over him.

“Fuck _off_ ,” He whines, before turning to his side in an exaggerated movement.

Jaehyun resolutely sits beside him, legs stretched out and keeping himself upright with his arms straight and palms flat against the ground. He runs his fingers over the grass.

“You know,” he waits for Taeyong’s hum of acknowledgement. “I think we’re so much healthier than we were before.”

“Really?” Taeyong stretches it, with a disbelieving lilt to his voice. He huffs and sits up, his position mirroring Jaehyun’s. “And what, pray tell, is so healthy about us avoiding each other?”

“Not in that sense. I meant we aren’t fighting anymore.”

“We never fought-”

“What do you call what we used to do every Monday morning? A friendly playground scuffle?”

Taeyong pauses. “We weren’t - we weren’t _actually_ fighting each other,” he petulantly argues.

“Then what?”

“We were… relieving stress.” He slowly nods, trying to convince himself.

“Stress from what?” Jaehyun presses on.

“From life and-” Taeyong falters.

“And?”

“And our relationship.”

“There it is.” Jaehyun’s tone holds a certain reverence to it.

As the sun moves across the sky, two bodies eventually leave the grass alone while their thoughts don’t wander.

-

Wednesday afternoon sees a sad downpour of lifeless rain. Ten and Yuta run into each other at the coffee shop near campus, caught in the unfortunate rain.

It’s a small expanse, constricted with four brick walls and a consistent stream of caffeine drinkers, of which Ten and Yuta are neither. Nonetheless, the settle across each other in a staring match of sorts, with the steam from their drinks billowing in their faces every few seconds.

“Yuta.” Ten acknowledges, sharply.

“Ten,” comes the curt reply.

They competitively sip on their drinks. Yuta burns his tongue, but chooses not to say. It’s not like Ten can’t tell.

“My best friend and your best friend seem to be in a bit of an… unusual spot.” And with that, Ten’s act falls.

“God. I know, right? It’s so weird seeing them like this.”

Yuta hums in agreement. “Exactly. They seem really out of it, don’t they?”

Ten nods along. “And the timing is also off. I mean, Yongie’s going th-” he stops himself, but Yuta’s interest is piqued as he leans forward.

“You tell me what’s up with your best friend and I’ll tell you what’s up with mine. Deal?” Yuta suggests, a wide, cheshire grin spread across his face.

“Deal. But I’m not revealing what I think is too personal.”

“Obviously.” Yuta says, like it’s the most obvious thing.

“You first,” Ten encourages with a sip of his drink.

“So.. Jaehyun’s going through… a rather though time, emotionally speaking,” Yuta says.

“Huh. So is Taeyong.” Ten replies.

“Right, anyway, he’s very sad or whatever about it, and as much as I want to see him happy, this is very much his fault. Nothing much I can do about it.” Yuta shrugs.

Ten contemplates a bit before speaking. “I’m pretty sure Yongie’s also partly responsible for whatever he’s going through. I still feel bad for him, though. He doesn’t deserve it.”

Yuta nods along. “So do you think they came to a truce or something? Everyone’s been too scared to ask Jae what’s up.”

“Same with Taeyong. Between us,” Ten lowers his voice slightly. “I think they did. Probably realised how counterproductive this shit was.”

“Probably. But I have a feeling they had an unspoken agreement. It’s not like them to talk to each other, like I bet Jae would rather eat white chocolate than talk to Taeyong.” Yuta downs his drink. “And you know how much he hates white chocolate.”

Ten cringes, remembering a rather unfortunate incident regarding vending machines and Jaehyun trying to wash his mouth out with mint-flavoured mouthwash. “I know. Plus, Taeyong would rather drink black coffee than talk to Jaehyun, so there’s that.”

-

Park Jisung has faced a few less-than-ideal situations in his life. The first could be the fancy-dress competition in playschool, where he remembers Cinderella and Captain Hook getting into a rather heated brawl. The second, and more noteworthy occasion, would be when he was caught between a sibling fight on school grounds, and had to be sent home for the rest of the day, which, to his seventh-grade (and current) self, was a blessing in disguise. The third, and more recent one, was the rivalry between the football and basketball teams. All in all, Jisung’s run into his fair share of trouble. This, though, is something monumental.

Jisung, very much like his Taeyong hyung, believes a good run can clear his head. So he sets off, at some unearthly hour, to the field which he knows would be empty. Aiming to relieve some stress from school and social interactions in general, he decides he’ll run a few laps and call it a day. But fate likes to fuck with him, so Jisung finds himself spying on two ‘rivals’ from behind the edge of the building that leads to the field.

He sees Jaehyun approach Taeyong, sees Taeyong try to avoid him and eventually relent. They talk briefly and seem civil enough in Jisung’s naive eyes. That is, of course, until Jaehyun makes Taeyong realise something. This obviously changes something between them, and Jisung’s probably only seen that look on one of his friend’s faces when a jock confessed to her. Being the ever-reasonable boy he is, Jisung assumes Jaehyun’s just confessed his undying love for Taeyong, who’s caught between a look of disbelief and, though minute, disgust. _What a shame,_ he thinks to himself. _They would’ve made an iconic couple._

-

Somewhere miles away from the field and the coffee shop, Taeyong thoughtfully chews on a bar of white chocolate while Jaehyun sips on a cup of black coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!! whoever's keeping up with this, thank you so much <3 I hope you enjoyed the chapter!!


	4. four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!! I had an epiphany about this fic recently, and i've decided to address some issues.  
> jaeyong were in an unhealthy relationship at the beginning of this fic, and i hope everyone who's reading is aware of that.
> 
> anyway, i've updated the tags, so please heed to them before you continue. that being said, the premises of this story is primarily lighthearted, so expect more fluff and healing.

Monday mornings used hit differently, Yuta had idily commented once, but those words hardly stood true until the dreadful weeks following the truce, or 'fuck-up', as it so affectionately had been dubbed.

As for the deranged lovebirds, they had mastered the art of avoiding each other after their last, rather informative, meeting. Neither of them knew what to do with the influx of free time they'd suddenly been rewarded with, which was how they ended up at the same party one fateful Friday evening.

Taeil’s parties were the kind anyone would kill to be invited for. Devoid of insultingly loud music and selections of cheap beer, Taeil easily throws the best parties across campus. He usually invites his close-knit group of friends for an evening of borderline-expensive drinks, board games, and stimulating conversation. Earlier, when Taeyong and Jaehyun were together, they’d play rock, paper, scissors to decide who out of the two of them gets to go. Now, on the insistence of their best friends, they both arrive at Taeil’s doorstep: Taeyong with an assortment of gourmet chocolates and Jaehyun with the most expensive tin of cookies he’d found at the convenience store.

“Come in.” Taeil smiles and opens the door for them.

Taeyong and Jaehyun share a look, one which conveys ‘after you’, back and forth until Taeil exasperatedly drags Jaehyun in. Taeyong follows shortly.

After graciously receiving his presents, Taeil ushers them to the living room where people are scattered about. Being one of the more well-off students, Taeil has an entire apartment to himself, complete with a homely living room and a state-of-the-art kitchen, where either Doyoung or Kun are invariably fussing over something in the oven.

Jaehyun walks the length of the room to Sicheng, who seems to be in a heated discussion about the Treaty of Versailles. He’s sitting on one of the sofas and facing Yukhei, who’s trying hard to control his features.

“... Paris _Peace_ Conference? You know they hated each other, right?”

“Professionalism, Yukhei. It shouldn’t have affected the outcome, and frankly, I don’t think it did.”

“If it hadn’t, Clemenceau would’ve got what he wanted and France would have been much safer as compared to-”

“Can we please talk about something else?” Jaehyun interrupts. The two turn to look at him.

“Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in.” Sicheng dryly comments. “What’s up with you?”

Jaehyun runs an unconscious hand through his hair. “Nothing, actually. I’m perfectly fine.”

“You expect us to believe that?” Yukhei snorts. “We all know something’s up with you. It’s just that no one’s said it.”

Jaehyun sighs and sits on the arm of the sofa. It’s gonna be a long night.

-

Across the room, Taeyong isn’t faring any better. He’s sat between Jeno and Kunhang, who are sharing a chocolate bar while keeping up a conversation about one of Renjun’s conspiracy theories. Taeyong alternates between staring at his glass of wine and a design of a flower on the carpet when he finds the sudden urge to speak.

“Do you think a relationship is abusive if all parties involved participate in the abuse?”

Jeno and Kunhang’s conversation ceases. Jeno lets out a nervous laugh. “How long did it take you to think of that sentence, hyung?”

Taeyong shrugs, staring into nothing. “I was just wondering.” He gets up and gestures to the bar. “I’m gonna go get a refill.”

As he walks off, Jeno tells Kunhang: “The glass was full.”

To which Kunhang replies: “I’m gonna talk to Ten-ge.”

-

Taeyong doesn’t get a refill. He walks to the balcony, past the turntable and Doyoung, Kun, and Taeil in the kitchen. They pay him no heed.

He silently slips out through the sliding doors and a pleasant breeze welcomes him. He knew he’d find Jaehyun here.

“I realised something.” Taeyong startles Jaehyun, who was leaning over the railing in contemplation.

He quickly schools his features and responds. “Yes?”

“Our relationship…” Taeyong joins Jaehyun at the railings. “Was abusive.”

Jaehyun hums. “That makes it sound rather dark, doesn’t it?”

“It does.” Taeyong idly replies. “I’d like to think the good times outweighed the bad, but..”

“Didn’t they?” Jaehyun faces him, a question in his eyes.

“They did,” Taeyong quickly affirms. “And honestly, I don’t think there were many bad times at all.”

“Neither do I,” Jaehyun agrees. He stares out into the distance, creating a silence between them.

“Do you think calling our relationship abusive is a bit of a stretch?”

“I think so, yeah.” Taeyong’s fingers absentmindedly dance over the railing, and Jaehyun covers them with his own out of habit.

“I never meant to hurt you, not- not to a great extent or anything,” Jaehyun says.

“I know. Neither did I.” Taeyong gives his hand a squeeze. “But we did, and now we have to deal with the consequences.”

“How do we do that?” Jaehyun keeps his eyes on Taeyong’s.

“I don’t know, Jaehyun. You tell me.” Taeyong’s voice suffers a diminuendo until he’s whispering.

And in a heartbeat, they’re pressed against each other. Hands gripping at clothes and hair, a clash of teeth and tongue, something so raw and messy.

_This isn’t how we solve our problems. This is how we run from them._

-

“Ten-ge!” Kunhang calls. The entire room looks up at the shout.

“Yes?” Ten asks, looking away from where Kun was explaining something about his watch.

“I, uh.. I need to talk to you.” Kunhang chastises himself. He hadn’t thought this far.

Ten looks up curiously and excuses himself. He follows Kunhang to the kitchen, which Taeil, Doyoung, and Kun had vacated only moments earlier.

“I think there’s something up with Taeyong-hyung,” He hesitantly begins. Ten gives him a nod in encouragement. “He said something about abusive relationships.”

Ten’s look of mild concern transforms into alarm. “What did he say exactly?”

“He asked if everybody in the relationship participated in the abuse, if it was really abusive.” He trips over the last few words, the gravity of what he was saying hitting him.

Ten inhales. “Did you see where Taeyong went?”

Kunhang shakes his head. “He said he was gonna get a refill for his drink, so I thought the kitchen.”

“Okay.” Ten places a hand on his shoulder. “I’ll deal with it. Thanks for telling me.”

“Ten-ge,” Kunhang says, timid. “Will everything be okay?”

“I’ll make sure of it.”

-

Jisung crosses the balcony. He’s lost, Taeil’s apartment being six times as large as his dorm. He doesn’t pay heed to the sounds he hears at first, too busy wondering if he’s seen the hallway yet or not. When they become too uncomfortable for his liking, he inspects, and finds two all-too-familiar figures pressed up against each other. _Iconic couple indeed._


	5. five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay full-fledged mentions of abuse up ahead, proceed with caution.

It would be safe to say the situation improved. But considering neither of our zealous protagonists play it safe, the situation had become rather unstable. Taeyong didn’t know his boundaries anymore - this wasn’t like his other relationships. Earlier, a breakup would mean _never contact each other again_ , then developed into _we make polite conversation from time to time_. Never, in his twenty four years of existence, had he come across such a break up. _Then again_ , he muses, _never have I come across a relationship gift-wrapped in such a thick layer of social identity and secrecy_.

Jaehyun, on the other hand, is relatively clam. Or at least that’s what he tells himself. He goes about his day breezingly, and if he’s feeling particularly peachy, he might give the team a day off. This facade, of course, only lasts for the duration he spends outside the dorm. When he gets home, starts up his computer, and acknowledges an email notification, every practiced expression vacates his face.

_figuring shit out_

**Lee Taeyong** (leety@uos.kr) 

texting is too intimate. keep up the email thread.

-

Sent from my iPhone

Jaehyun’s in half a mind to reply with _???_ because since when do people in relationships try _not_ to be intimate? _Oh right_ , he reminds himself. _We’re on a break_. So he plays along and responds.

Taeyong clicks on the notification in a hurry.

_figuring shit out_

**Jung Jaehyun** (jungjh@uos.kr) 

sure. what do want to figure out?

\---

Taeyong’s fingers hover over the keyboard. He’s not quite sure himself, actually.

_figuring shit out_

**Lee Taeyong** (leety@uos.kr) 

our relationship ig

-

Sent from my iPhone

\---

_figuring shit out_

**Jung Jaehyun** (jungjh@uos.kr) 

okay... how should we do that?

\---

_figuring shit out_

**Lee Taeyong** (leety@uos.kr) 

talk it out?? i think that’s the best option

-

Sent from my iPhone

\---

_figuring shit out_

**Jung Jaehyun** (jungjh@uos.kr) 

cool cool  
do you wanna meet up then?

\---

_figuring shit out_

**Lee Taeyong** (leety@uos.kr) 

yeah  
how abt the coffee shop tomorrow at 5?

-

Sent from my iPhone

\---

_figuring shit out_

**Jung Jaehyun** (jungjh@uos.kr) 

can’t do tmrw i told jaemin i’d take him out  
how about day after?

\---

_figuring shit out_

**Lee Taeyong** (leety@uos.kr) 

day after sounds good  
see you

-

Sent from my iPhone

\---

_figuring shit out_

**Jung Jaehyun** (jungjh@uos.kr) 

see you

\---

“So you’re telling me you were in a relationship with Lee Taeyong?” Jaemin’s eyes are on the verge of popping out of his sockets, despite the strangely calm demeanour he’s wearing.

Jaehyun just shrugs.

They’re at the ice-cream parlour twenty minutes from campus, where Jaehyun had first taken Jaemin for a job well done on his first match. It’s a quaint little place, all tiled walls and cream-coloured tables and registers. Contrary to popular belief, the ice-cream is rather sup-par, but it’s cheap and looks good. Jaemin thoughtfully munches on his rainbow sprinkles as he attempts to formulate a sentence.

“You,” Jaemin gestures at his hyung, “and Taeyong-hyung,” Jaemin gestures vaguely elsewhere, “were in a full-fledged, ‘we’re boyfriends’ relationship?”

Jaehyun nods, weakly. Jaemin’s gesticulation doesn’t stop there.

“And you’re saying you kept this up for what? _Two years_?”

“I-” Jaehyun deflates. “Yeah.”

“That’s a lot to process, you know. Like, are you even allowed to tell me? Wait, you probably are, I mean, it _is_ your relationship after all. And you guys have broken up-”

“We’re on a break.”

“Whatever,” Jaemin dismisses. “I’m just concerned about what went down every Monday morning.”

“As you should be. I mean, I was. That's kind of why we're on a break,” Jaehyun tells him.

“Ah.” Jaemin nods along. “So like, are things better now?”

“They are. I think. We've been talking about the… god, how do I put it? The fighting… yeah, and we both know there are things to work on, so it's progress.”

“Okay, that's good. That's… healthy.”

Jaehyun hums in agreement. “Enough about me. Tell me what's going on with Donghyuck.”

“Nothing's going on with Donghyuck,” Jaemin sighs.

“Is he not interested? Or is it something else?” Jaehyun leans forward to steal a bite from Jaemin's ice cream.

“I'm not sure… I think he has a few things to deal with, or something. He seems a bit off these days, don't you think?”

“I can't say I've noticed. I'll take your word for it.”

“Yeah.” Jaemin looks rather dejected. “I don’t really wanna talk about it.”

Jaehyun ponders. “Tell me about Jisung and Chenle, then.”

Immediately, the younger brightens. “You will not believe how _dense_ they are, Jaehyun-hyung…”

-

It’s fifteen minutes before Taeyong plans to leave to meet up with Jaehyun when Ten stops him.

“You’ve got some explaining to do, mister.” Ten sits him down on his couch and stares him down.

“What?”

“What abusive relationship have you been in?” Ten asks bluntly.

“Straight to the point, I see.” Taeyong observes. Ten doesn’t look amused.

“It wasn’t exactly abusive, Ten. It was-”

“No, I will not have you defend whoever the fuck dared to abuse you-”

“Look, it wasn’t exact-”

“Taeyong. Listen to me,” Ten commanded. Taeyong met his eyes, unwavering.

“I will not have you stand by whatever piece of shit-”

“It’s not like that, Ten,” He gently said.

“No! Taeyong, you used the word _abuse_ , and I know you don’t throw these words around lightly, so just-”

“And what if I ‘abused’ them right back? Then what?” Taeyong challenges. A look passes across Ten’s face, one that reads ‘what the everloving _fuck_?’

Taeyong sighs, relenting. “You’ll want to sit down for this,” he warns. Ten stands his ground.

“It was Jaehyun.” At no response, he continues. “We’ve broken up now, by the way. I was on my way to meet him, we have a few things to sort out. See you.”

With that, Taeyong leaves a shocked Ten at home.

-

“Before you say anything, I had to deal with an altercation at home. Sorry I’m late.”

Jaehyun looks up from his latte, caught with his mouth open. “It’s okay.” He gestures to the seat opposite him, where there’s a slice of strawberry cheesecake waiting.

Taeyong smiles gratefully and sits down.

“What happened?”

“Ten… well, he didn’t find out, per se, but I guess… he knows about us?” Taeyong cringes at the end of his words.

“Oh.” Jaehyun doesn’t seem angry, thank god, but he looks somewhere between embarrassment and… guilty?

“I, uh, I told Jaemin, if that’s okay.”

“Of course it’s okay, you can tell whoever you want,” Taeyong responds, after eating a huge chunk of his cheesecake.

“Right, okay. What do you wanna talk about?”

Strangely, Taeyong’s excited. “I figured out why I didn’t think us fighting was a big deal.” His eyes are wide, and Jaehyun can’t help but feel intimidated at his exuberance.

“Go on,” he encourages.

“I think it’s because abuse was something that was, how should I say it, normalised? Yeah, normalised in my childhood, and-” Taeyong pauses at the horrified expression that filters over Jaehyun’s features.

“No, no, not to a great extent, don’t worry-”

“Then? What do you mean by ‘normalised’?” Taeyong realises how harsh his words sounded.

“I mean like… I would be slapped for misbehaving, that kind of stuff.” Taeyong says. “Not that it’s a good thing, or anything, but just that it’s a thing that happened, and… yeah.”

“Okay,” Jaehyun uneasily says. “I think- I think that’s the case with me, too.”

“Really?”

“I mean, in my case, my mother used to-” he stops to inhale. “Well, you know.”

Taeyong nods sympathetically.

“Yeah and, it took me too long to come to my senses about this, a-and I just feel so terrible because I thought I was perceptive to these things and I just let it all pass by me and-”

He reaches forward to place his hands over Jaehyun’s. “It’s alright, Jaehyun. Deep breaths,” he instructs. Jaehyun follows.

“We both were in the wrong, okay? I’m glad we’ve figured this out.”

“Yeah, me too.”

-

Chenle sighs. He overslept, again, and he hasn’t had his caffeine fix for the day. It’s almost 5 PM, which, to any rational thinker, isn’t exactly the ideal time for three shots of espresso in a drink that could be described as sugar solution. He sighs again,walking up to the steps of the cafe he’s a regular at. And then something catches his eye and he blinks owlishly to check if what he’s seeing is real. He quickly pulls out his phone and dials the only number on speed dial.

“Jisung, you will not believe what I just witnessed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!! if you think i have to edit the tags, please let me know!!


	6. six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i've been gone a month :(

Taeyong returns home in higher spirits than he’s been in for weeks. His great mood is killed, though, by the very expression Ten wears as soon as he walks through the door.

“I’m not talking to you.”

“It’s well-earned, so I’ll leave you alone.” Taeyong confirms with a nod. This doesn’t appease Ten.

“What the fuck, Yong?” He begins, despite his earlier claim. “What about ‘friends’ don’t you understand? What makes you think you can hide something so, so _huge_ from me?”

“Ten, I-”

“And Jaehyun? Of all people you could’ve been in a secret relationship with, why him? He’s your greatest enemy or whatever the fuck, why do you think that’s okay?”

“It’s really complicated-”

“No, fuck ‘complicated.’ Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

“We didn’t want anyone to know, Ten.” Taeyong explains gently. “Neither of us were comfortable with that.”

Ten deflates, he opens his mouth to argue but thinks better of it. “I just-” He sighs. “I’m not talking to you.” He walks to his room and shuts the door behind him.

Taeyong looks after him for a second, internally debating, and eventually decides he’ll let Ten cool down. From his phone, a notification beeps.

_figuring shit out_

**Jung Jaehyun** (jungjh@uos.kr)

good talk  
see you next week??

Taeyong smiles, blushing and bashful, and types out a reply.

_figuring shit out_

**Lee Taeyong** (leety@uos.kr)

sure!! how’s tuesday at 3? same place?

-

Sent from my iPhone

\---

_figuring shit out_

**Jung Jaehyun** (jungjh@uos.kr)

cool  
see you :D

\---

_figuring shit out_

**Lee Taeyong** (leety@uos.kr)

:DD

-

Sent from my iPhone

-

Chenle breaks into Jisung’s room that night.

“Yo, what the fuck?”Jisung slurs as Chenle turns the lights on.

“Do you remember what I told you?” He prods.

“I was half asleep, you idiot. I don’t remember,” Jisung groans and scoots to make place for Chenle on his bed.

Chenle kicks off his shoes, climbs on and makes himself comfortable under the sheets, playfully kicking Jisung’s feet to hog more space.

“What was it?” Jisung asks once they’ve come to a silent agreement on the distribution of bed space.

“I saw Jaehyun-hyung and Taeyong-hyung together.”

Jisung sits up abruptly, disturbing the balance. “Where?”

“Coffee shop. Looked like they were on a date.” Chenle replies simply.

“Okay, wow.” Jisung takes a minute to collect his thoughts. “I’ve seen them together, too.”

“Really?”

He hums, contemplating. “You remember Taeil-hyung’s party?”

“Yeah - Dejun wouldn’t stop talking about some sci-fi shit, it was really annoying. Also, I’m pretty sure Kun-ge was drunk by the end of it because he starting playing Post Malone and you know how much he hates mumble rap.”

Jisung listened with rapt attention.

“Oh, even Ten-ge was drunk, I think. Or he looked like he would be. He kept drinking that ugly yellow drink-”

“Beer?”

“Yeah, that. He was kinda stressed by the looks of it. I wonder what got to him… tournament season is a while away and exams finished a couple of months back.” He paused to take a breath. “Wait, isn’t Ten-ge Taeyong hyung’s best friend?”

That bought Jisung back.

“Yeah, yeah he is.” Jisung considers. “Huh, maybe he knew?”

“Knew what?”

“Oh, yeah. I saw them making out on Taeil-hyung’s balcony.”

“You what?” Chenle whispers, in awe. “Seriously?”

Jisung nods his head solemnly, and ends up banging it against his headboard.

“You good?” Chenle’s hand hovers above the back of Jisung’s head, and he finds himself rather _not good._

“I’m fine,” He replies, slightly breathless.

Chenle sits up and adjusts himself against the offending headboard, cross-legged and looking down at Jisung, who’s now lying down.

“What were you saying?” He asks.

“Yeah, uh,” Jisung formulates his thoughts. “I’ve seen them together before, too. They were hanging out on the field together one day, like a couple of weeks back.”

“And they weren’t fighting?”

“Yep.”

“Huh. That’s some character development right there.”

“And you know what it looked like? That time Lami got confessed to by a jock-”

“I think you forget I didn’t go to your high school,” Chenle deadpans. Jisung blushes in embarrassment.

“Lami’s a friend of mine. During the last few weeks of school this jock confessed to her - some asshole he was, I don’t remember his name anymore - she rejected him, obviously.”

“Obviously,” Chenle echoes. “What does this have to do with them?”

“I was saying, it looked like that - like Jaehyun-hyung confessed to Taeyong-hyung and he was disgusted.”

Chenle thinks about it. “But they were making out at Taeil-hyung’s party. So Taeyong-hyung probably didn’t reject him, right?”

“Yeah - and if they were on a date, they’re probably like… dating, right?”

“Right.”

“Man, what a power couple.”

-

Our power couple, unfortunately, are not peaking. Not in their relationship - though things are surely improving - and definitely not in their relationships with their best friends. Take Taeyong’s last conversation with Ten, for example:

“Ten, I’m ordering dinner. What do you want?”

“...”

“Just tell me what you want to eat, Ten.”

“...”

“I’ll order fruit salad if you keep this up.”

He didn’t end up ordering fruit salad because a) most takeout joints don’t have fruit salad on their menu, and b) he isn’t that petty.

It’s not like Jaehyun and Yuta are doing any better, though. Case in point:

“Yuta, what do you want for dinner?”

“Nothing.”

“Yuta, you have to eat.”

“I’ll manage.”

“Yuta-”

“Leave me alone. I’ll eat.”

Jaehyun left him alone, then spent the rest of the night wondering what the fuck he did.

-

So, yes, safe to say they aren’t doing very well. But it’s okay. They find comfort in shitty memes sent to each other at 3 AM with cringe-worthy captions dictating, ‘thought of u ;D.’

Taeyong exits the email thread with a smile on his face, and so does Jaehyun.


	7. seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've had a hard time conveying what exactly i want to convey with this chapter, but still, i hope you enjoy it!

Jung Jaehyun has a penchant for trouble, evidently. One minute he’s sprinting across the field in excitement, the next he’s falling over himself, clutching his left leg.

Jaemin had scored his first basket in a period of deflected shots and missed chances, and Jaehyun felt like a proud parent. Taeyong watched him bound across the field like an excited puppy, then watched him fall flat on his face.

It was all really comical, how the team immediately concentrated wherever Jaehyun was. A clump of basketball players concentrated on one spot. That is, until Taeyong remembers Jaehyun’s refusal to acknowledge his injuries. He hopes one of his idiot friends take him to the infirmary to get it checked out.

The infirmary. It takes him back.

_Whose stupid idea was it to have the basketball team here? _Taeyong thought. _Ah, right. The court’s getting renovated.___

__He assumed things would go as normal; maybe they’d have to warm up together, and maybe they’d have to compromise on the field, but it was only for all the Monday mornings of a semester, so things should be fine._ _

__There was one problem that had stuck out to Taeyong from the beginning, though. The basketball team’s captain was his secret boyfriend. And they hadn’t had a great past. He knew Ten was expecting them to be at each other’s throats, and he knew it was pretty unlikely._ _

__They had managed on the first day, exchanged awkward smiles and demarcated their sides of the field._ _

__When they met at Taeyong’s apartment after practice, they talked._ _

___“Do you think people will find it weird that we’re co-operating?”_ He had asked._ _

___“I was thinking the same,”_ Jaehyun had confessed._ _

__So they formulated a plan to make things seem more convincible. And maybe, just maybe, they took it too far._ _

__-_ _

__Thankfully, Jaehyun sits out for the rest of practice. Later, Jaemin, out of guilt, and Donghyuck, out of obligation, escort him to the infirmary._ _

__Taeyong catches Ten’s eye as he watches them go. Ten tilts his head to their direction, a challenge plastered across his face. Taeyong keeps his expression neutral as he catches up to them._ _

__“Hyuck, Jaemin, it’s okay. I’ll take him.” Taeyong stops them. Jaehyun looks at him curiously. Jaemin hides a smirk as he wordlessly agrees and drags a confused Donghyuck away with him._ _

__Taeyong drapes an arm over Jaehyun’s shoulder and begins walking._ _

__“Slower,” Jaehyun whines. “Can’t fucking walk.”_ _

__Taeyong pulls a face. “You’re really careless, you know?”_ _

__Jaehyun doesn’t answer, but pulls a face of his won back at Taeyong and mimics him, “You’re really careless, you know?”_ _

__“I could leave you right here, Jung. You can hobble your way to the infirmary.”_ _

__“You wouldn’t.”_ _

__“Why not?”_ _

__“Because you’re my boyfriend.” Jaehyun says, too smoothly for Taeyong’s liking, because… _what?__ _

__“What?”_ _

__“Too soon?” Jaehyun asks, playfully._ _

__“No, we’ve broken up, Jaehyun.”_ _

__That makes him stop. “We have?”_ _

__Taeyong’s royally confused now. “Yes, we have… haven’t we?”_ _

__A myriad of expressions fly across Jaehyun’s face; confusion, sadness, more confusion, and resignation._ _

__“I mean,” He clears his throat. “If that’s, uh, if that’s what you want, sure.”_ _

__Taeyong’s eyes dart away. Jaehyun continues walking, so Taeyong walks on, too. There’s something wrong, very clearly, but he doesn’t know what to do._ _

__-_ _

__“What do we have here?” The nurse says, as soon as they enter the infirmary._ _

__Taeyong relieves himself of Jaehyun’s weight as he sits on one of the many beds. “Jaehyun hurt himself.”_ _

__“What happened?”_ _

__“I was running and I kinda tripped over a rock… or something. I don’t know.” Jaehyun says. Mrs. Han looks him over. “It really hurts.”_ _

__She nods. “Lie down, take off your shoes.”_ _

__After the nurse has fussed over Jaehyun and made him turn his ankle in a few painful ways, she concludes it’s something serious._ _

__“Get an x-ray done,” She tells them. “I think it’s a hairline fracture.”_ _

__“Are you sure?” Jaehyun asks, meekly._ _

__She hums. “I don’t think it’s a sprain. And there’s no harm in checking.”_ _

__“Yes, of course-”_ _

__“And are you both getting along fine now?” She cuts him off._ _

__Jaehyun and Taeyong share a look, a very expressive one at that, as she wearily observes them. “I’ll take that as a yes. Good to know you sorted everything out.”_ _

___Well, that’s one way to put it._

“I’ll have you wrapped up. And I suggest you don’t do _anything_ until we confirm what it is.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

And so the wrapping is done -- with only minimal protest from Jaehyun -- and he’s free to go. The only problem is the walk of shame they’re both going to need to take now.

As they step out, Taeyong holds an arm up to help Jaehyun, but he brushes it off. Taeyong watches him take a step, wince from the pain, but still carry on. He sighs, then forcefully wraps an arm around Jaehyun’s waist.

There’s silence; the stifling kind.

“Jaehyun, hey. I think we should talk about -”

“That’s all we’ve been doing, Taeyong.” He cuts him off. “And clearly, I haven’t done it well enough.”

“Jaehyun, seriously, where is this coming from? You told me you wanted to break up-”

“I said we should _take a break,_ Taeyong. I didn’t say we should _break up_.” Jaehyun spits. He’s got those angry line marring his face now, and he looks undeniably intimidating, but Taeyong… all Taeyong has in him is to laugh.

“What the fuck-”

“You, oh my god-” Taeyong lets go of Jaehyun in favor leaning against the wall of the building next to them. He’s concerningly hysterical; Jaehyun forgets the problem at hand.

“Taeyong, are you-”

“Fine! Fine, yeah, just peachy.” He tries to catch his breath, and another bout of laughter hits him.

“Are you… mocking me?” Jaehyun asks, no real hurt in his tone, just genuine curiosity.

“No, god no. I think-” He wheezes. “I think I’m mocking _us._ ”

“Okay,” Jaehyun drags it out, still very confused. “Are you gonna get up?”

“Yeah,” Taeyong breathes out. “Yeah, just.” His laughter has mostly subsided. “We’re so fucking stupid, Jaehyun.”

“You might be,” Jaehyun says. Taeyong straightens himself out, and this time, takes Jaehyun’s hand in his.

“For all the fucking communication we could’ve done, Jaehyun. We aren’t even on the same page on the status of our relationship.”

It pierces through them, makes a tear in the veil of security they’d put over their relationship.

Jaehyun doesn’t speak. They keep walking, though. Past the Arts building, past the administration office, closer and closer to the field. Taeyong’s afraid he’s shocked Jaehyun to silence, but then Jaehyun speaks.

“You can let go, now.” He says.

“Oh, yeah, sure.” Taeyong detaches their hands, looks up at him curiously. “Are you alright?”

“I will be, eventually.”

_Well, isn’t that reassuring?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO  
> i'm so so sorry for taking so long. first it was exams, then my submissions for the jy fic fest.  
> anyway! i'm back now, and hopefully chapters will be more frequent now!


	8. author's note

hello! i have no clue if there's anyone still reading this, but for those of you who are, thank you for reading! i've debated this before, and i've found that i don't think i can work on this fic any longer. the theme isn't well thought out at all, and there are quite a few inconsistencies i've come across. what's more is that i didn't think much about the weight of this theme, and now that it's caught up to me, i don't think i'm equipped to address it at all. i'm really sorry to anyone who was looking forward to an update. i hope you understand.

i'll leave this chapter up and mark the work as complete for the next couple of days, then i'll take it down. thank you to everyone of you for reading, commenting, and leaving kudos <3

**Author's Note:**

> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/jaehyunphilic)   
>  [my cc](https://curiouscat.me/whoviee)   
> 


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